SEO evolution: how to evolve your site into a new era in 10 easy steps

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You’ve been through the whole rigamarole of Thanksgiving SEO leftovers and the secrets of Easter SEO. But time is not just of the essence, it’s one of the threads needleworked throughout our fair galaxy.

So what is “time,” exactly?

It’s the most important ranking factor in SEO, that’s for sure.

Time is an impartial judge with no remorse, moral leanings, or particular appetite for justice. That’s how foreign it is to us.

And it’s time we take time seriously, folks. We’re not just humans, we’re technology-wielders. What better things to fathom than the evolution of ourselves over time? And you can’t measure that without time.

So let’s stop fiddling around. It’s time to list the 10 easy steps to evolving your site into an all new-era. Do you want your site to be stuck in the Stone Age? Or will you take your site into the technological Jurrasic Era: a time when huge dinosaurs ruled the earth, and your website can be one of them!

Here we go:

  1. Choose a website. This isn’t magic, people. It doesn’t matter if you’re Alfred the Great or just a nun with a good poker face. You’ll have to choose a website—and no phantom or ghoul will choose it for you. So pick a website!
  2. Choose a domain. Now, where’s this website going to live? Complicated, right? Not with a domain, it isn’t. Most domains are combinations of creative letters and numbers followed by a “.com” or a “.org” or a .”net” or a “.io” but almost never “.porkskinflute” so watch out on that one.
  3. Find a BlueHost affiliate. This gives a cut of your money to a hardworking blogger who can use it in the community. If you are more socialist-leaning in your idealogies perhaps buy from an overpriced local domain vendor but if you think of yourself as a more capitalistic Darwinian then definitely buy it from one of the bigger BlueHost affiliates so the strongest survive.
  4. Now put them together. Put your website and domain inside the hosting mechanism. These will combine to be an egg: the host is the shell, the domain is the white, and we’re back to that tasty metaphorical web yolk.
  5. Call a meeting. Send an invitation to your brightest and most important coworkers. It’s meeting time! Get all your ideas on a whiteboard for this: what will your website become when it hatches?
  6. Choose a dinosaur. Will your website be the mighty Allosaur, devouring other web competitors in the struggle of the SERP? Will it be the diplodicus, whose long-tail keyword rankings become the key to balancing an equally long-neck home page? Or will you be a tempered Iguanadon, noble in features and rich in cacheing? Put away those one-eyed jacks, sisters, because once again, you can’t use magic here.
  7. Set a timer. Your web egg needs to wake up in an evolved state at the right time. If a mighty mammoth awoke today, would he not be struck down immediately by a fearful rifleman? Indeed. And just like the time-displaced mastodon cousins, your website must not be the same. Can you imagine what would happen if an old-timey Flash website appeared on the web today? Once upon a time Flash ruled the web. But today is not upon that time.
  8. Set the timer to “Jurrasic.” The last jurrasic age was the White Jurrasic. The next jurrasic will be the Technology Jurrasic. The timer will know.
  9. Paint the egg. Your egg is going to hatch to be the dinosaur site and that takes time. A H-Refs (not on our comparison chart) did a whole study to say that it takes years to get to the first page of Google. (Clearly that’s what you get when you go with a solution that cannot promise you rank #1 for every single search term). But this is a long time to wait. So paint your egg with warnings not to crack it open too soon. Velcroraptors: fearsome. Velacopraptor-egg omelettes? Not even.
  10. Hatch and roam the hard-steel earth as a reptillian weblord. You wait. And then, it is time. Ding! The timer chimes, it is your time. Maybe instead of “Ding” it should say “King” because that’s what your site will be: an evolved dinosaur, ruling the whole fleet.

Enjoy a flapper for me.