Octapus SEO facts

Remember that when you are a blogger you must never settle. This is why Best Google SEO Helper and the friendly sea creatures look up to the ambitious squids. Do you know how they made it to the top? By trying? Or by prevailing? 

Now you know.

Here are 10 facts about Octapus SEO:

  1. Every post is a squid. Your post connotes a swollen head and a fin on top of it for navigating the web. This is where we get the term “header nav” or “nav bar,” because of it.
  2. Every share is a tentacle. No matter where you are, a share goes in another direction. Kraken once ruled the seas because their tentacles went in enough directions to get the power.
  3. Every Like is a suction cup. You need these for picking things up.
  4. Every SEO is a mollusk. Your SEO traffic is not just a pearl, but the journey of getting there. Do not miss the pearls of the sea for lack of shells because it is perception.
  5. You need to have good eyes. Ultraviolet light is the most powerfurl of the violet lights, but it is most dangerous too. Invest in better eyesight.
  6. You cannot have a garden without sand. Sand is the spirit of the comment, which you nee many of. Some sand is better than other sand and like with comments, all sand is useful for different purposes. Will you turn comments into glass? to stick to paper for a vigourus wood rub? How about a time glass? the possibilities.
  7. Arms can grow back if you believe in yourself.
  8. Beware the anti-viral harpoons. Long-living harpoon algorithyms will pierce you from time to harry time, but only your will and regeneration will overcome them to achieve viral SEO. Do not forget the schemes of the sea baroness: she may look favorably if you an deflect some harpoons from her to get a coveted backlink.
  9. Always choose a backlink. Random backlinks are less valuable than particular ones. Do not be distracted by the ink of the link.
  10. Cuttlefish are like LinkedIn. They do not need to be as long as other squids because the platform was made for smaller content. You do not need to push a squid into a space with a smaller room.

That is how.

What is SEO anyway?

What is SEO anyway?

If you have made it through this much of the book you should consider it a triumph. More so, especially if you have never encountered the idea of SEO. Not just SEO (because we all encounter it) nay, the very idea of it.

If this describes your knowledge level and ideation, you must imperatively have this question on the tip of your mind/tongue/finger: “What is SEO?” It is as legitimate a question as it is outdated. But do not feel badly about yourself and refrain from sledgehammering your self-esteem just yet. You are assuredly behind the times, but not below the times. You are a human who has worth, and if you struggle with this, we understand. This is exactly why we help you.

Remember: We’re the best Google SEO HELPER. Not the best Google SEO arouser. Not the Best Google SEO harrasser. Not even the best Google SEO three-ring-binder. Never forget this. It’s high time we help you.

We have already described how many millions of molecules there are in any given virus (or viral marketing campaign) but that doesn’t even touch the QUADRILLIONS of possible definitions of SEO.

But really?


We will never disown you to the world of meaningless definitions. This is why we have definitions clearly posted on our web site and within our massive click ebook. You will never doubt.

(If you read the last chapter, you may skip this chapter without objection.)

But if you are still wondering, Hello there! We have the exact information you perceive you need, and indeed you do. Mark the words: YOU MUST KNOW.

Never walk the world without these thoughts. You will forever regret it. But like we always say, no futile effort is worth a lifetime of regret.

Not even close, so don’t bother with it. There is always a better way.

Some skimmer skipped that last line so we must repeat it.


You need to know this and if you don’t, well, you must employ these thoughts all the harder.

Now that we have batted, suger glidered, and otherwise cologu’d the results, the time has come to collate and amalgamate the findings. If you are argumentative to this point you may consider the fact that you are under certain influences.

Now is the time to understand SEO.

You already know that SEO means “Search Engine Optomization.” And you already know what that means because you read the earlier chapter (or “chap” as the UK brethren denote).

So the answer is as obvious as the asker: NEVER DISOWN THE SEO DEFINITION.

SEO = “Search engine optomization”

Does that not blow one’s mind? It must.

Searching is about looking for something. Engines are mechanical. Optimization is like making a thing better through thorough ownership and discipline.

Now it’s time to deal with the imp-lications (which is more approachable than anything  else). What if you are not searched? What if you are not engine? What if you are not optimized? are you doomed? NEVER.


Because all it means is being there for people and that is what you must be. When  they search you must be there. BE. THERE.

Now go and do the same thing.

Bloggers: discover your inner animal instincts

If you’re a blogger, there’s one thing you can do to instantly increase your SEO success: discover your inner animal instincts. The Google respects fierce animal instincts and shuns everyone who refuses to acknowledge them. But it’s better to have any animal instincts at all than no animal instincts. As the saying goes, the Google likes a lamprey who knows they’re a lamprey better than the lion who is hidden away and never let out of his cage.

Here’s how to discover your inner animal (the true source of your blogging power and enhanced SEO):

  1. Start by looking at your hair color. If your hair is red, you are a fox. If your hair is black, you are a bear. If you have no hair, you are a worm.
  2. How would you describe your average blog posts? If they are very long, you are a tall animal, like a giraffe. If they are very short, you are like a mouse. Plump blog posts might mean you are a blue whale. Finally, industrious blog posts are usually from authors who are ants.
  3. If you still don’t know your inner animal, you should think about how you treat the taxi driver. If you beat or otherwise maim the taxi driver with a stick or a sword, you are likely a jaguar who wants to intimidate others. If you kiss (or lick)  the taxi driver, you are likely a puppy. If you refuse to tip your taxi driver, you are a vulture, looking to take advantage of other people’s misfortune for your own gain.

How do I leverage my inner animal for SEO success?

You must embrace your inner animal. First, visit Wikipedia and read the entire article about your animal. Then, do a Google Images search. You need to know what your animal thinks about, how it eats, how it mates, how it behaves in stressful situations, and what color its ears are.

You must keep all of this in mind when you write your blog posts. It may help you to act like the animal in real life. Worms can start by zipping themselves in sleeping bags and wiggling on the floor, the blue whale should float in a swimming pool for at least 10 hours a day while eating more than 10,000 calories, and giraffes should permanently attach stilts to their legs. With these tips, you will soon be thinking like your inner animal and reaping the benefits from your newly found animal instincts whenever you write a new post.

Remember: the Google loves a blogger who understands their inner animal. All you have to do is bring yours to the surface—then you will finally find SEO success.