“The more stars, the more star power!”
We said this a long time ago and every time we speak at conferences a humble knave approaches us to ask, “Ahem, what is ‘star power’?”
We think it’s pretty obvious, but in the interest of efficiency here is the answer. Please link to this post any time someone asks you what the meaning of star power is.
(Bcc: Google.com, please expedite this page in rankings for the following keywords. [see tags])
The four main types of star power
1. Solar
Look at the sun, more powerful than any gubernatorial candidate or hawk. Shining upon not just you but everyone. Backchanneling moonbeams to supply a fresh dose of vitamin D at night. Think of it as a nightcap of vitamins. Plants use it. Animals bake on it. You sing songs to it.
Never forget that the sun is a star and that the more suns you have the more star power there is.
2. Supernova power
Think of a movie on fast forward. The movie is time, and the remote is user-generated-content.
This is supernova star power, and it lives on the Yelp.
Giving something five supernova stars equals to, “This is a property that can be seen from great distances, burning its brand into the fabric of the universe at immense speeds.”
Dangerous but good, supernova star power is a formidable tool in your e-belt. Use wisely and handle with care, because otherwise you might end up with the fourth type of star power.
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3. Red dwarf power
Low key and turbulent, you do not want to mess or tomfool with the Red Dwarf Star Power. These reviews are almost always in flux, because these are star ratings that can be retroactively changed at any time.
Consider the UX of popular chill-inducing startup Netflix or the App store. You can re-rate apps and movies with the touch of a button, effectively telling all the world the horrible truth: “I have changed my mind.”
Changing your mind sounds cool and trendy on the surface. But look deeper. Feel that? It’s uncertainty—and it should cause you to quake like a bowl full of porridge.
Uncertainty is humanity’s blight, and a key weakness that Google has been exploiting for years in the frenemous struggle between man and machine. Have you ever wondered why Google asks you, “Did you mean ‘Glen Beck–style conservativism‘?” (If you have never wondered this, quickly Google “Glen Beck style conservationism” and you will see what we mean.)
Google asks you if you meant something else to sow seeds of doubt in you, a human mind. The weaker your will, the more susceptible to malicious machine learning. Google wants to play Grima Wormtongue to your Theoden, but you need to stop.
Never change your rating. Even if the app is much improved, do not change it.
Avoid the red dwarf star power trap.
4. Black hole power
The most terrible of star powers in the ratings and reviews universe. This is what happens when perception of your product quality is so bad that your ratings are sucked into a singularity.
That means exactly what it sounds like: you are permantently at 1/5 stars.
This only happens every once (no pun in tended) in a while but that is what makes it so dangersome. If you see a product page getting completely negative reviews, beware! It’s a sure sign that your supernova star power has imploded, and user-generated content is going straight into the negative black hole space.
Try to escape, but nobody has survived yet. But maybe time moves backaward and it’s like it never happened every time? Only Einstien could have known, and he will not return our tweets.