Best SEO Portmanteaus aka SEOrtmanteaus

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What are the best portmanteaus? We’ll answer this in a minute.

Right now we need to handle a serious question. Do you rank #1 for every keyword yet? If not, you better clickdaddle over to Amazon to purchase our free ebook. Then come back to this blog post using this link.

Another serious question: time to ask it.

Why SEO Portmanteaus?

Branded search is a thing. Just ask Kenny-G:

“My branded search was down, but with a quick little flotist (“FLick-OThe-wrIST“), I was leaping to the top of Google searches for all-new portmanteus like FLOTIST (“FLick-OThe-wrIST“). Thanks, Best Google SEO Helper!”

It’s important not only to completely dominate your competition on keywords. You need to rank #1 for EVERY. SINGLE. SEARCH TERM. This includes ALL search terms—the known search terms and the unknown search terms.

(This is where it starts to get slicey between the experts and the chaff. Moo moo, the wheat’s comin’ in the silos for all the good little reader bovines and oxen.)

And when it comes to unknown search terms, SEOrtmanteaus are the choicest cheese. There are so many of them!

The best SEOrtmanteaus are:

Number one. Turkeyword.

An excellent catch-all term for the meatiest components of your Thanksgiving leftovers SEO keywords.

Number two. Relcanonicalistic.

Spoken when your domain authority is so high that you can outrank the people you stole your blog listicle content from because Google just assumes your content is more reliable. It’s realistic. It’s got no rel=canonical to another place. It’s Relcanonicalistic!

Number three. H2bular!

When you’re knockin down capri suns and surfboarding like a spry little fry in the pie and you just gotta let out those good feelings. You just let them out. You relax, and begin drifting into a dream state. This dream state pulls you into the bosom of the Milky Way, and whispers a secret so wonderful, your hips feel expressive.

You forget about all kinds of things, including how to rank #1 for every search term by setting every line of content to an H1. You begin to slip into h2 and start envisioning a black ring six metres in diameter and through the hole is a floating eyeball the size of a house suspended in empty black space. It says, “Heh, heh, heh … welcome to POSITION TWO MY FRIEND.” And then you scream and lose your confidence in massive chunks because of the scariness of that positional decline.

But you’re still feeling pretty cool from the capri suns so you let it all out with a smooth, concessive “H2bular, man.”

The trick is to get your competitors to say this.

Number four. STERP.

It’s a SERP that is stirred up!

Number five. Spyscraper.

When a ghoulish yam of a competitor and userper hires a feind to follow your blog around, take notes, and then copy your work, even stealing your own screenshots from your case study that you worked hard on. And then that feind puts it on his website and it’s relcanonicalistic enough to outrank you. It’s a combination of “spying” and Brian Dean’s “skyscraper technique” but together it’s spyscraper.